I have to admit that I’ve been keeping more careful watch over Republican candidates for president that any other party’s candidates. It’s kind of like watching middle school children try to jockey their way to the role of coolest kid in their peer group. A laughable display of who can appear the most conservative without alienating the other 70% of America before next fall, when they will disparately need that 70% to get elected the next President of the United States.

First they all say how much they support the war and the president’s agenda (or complete lack there of) for Iraq. They fall all over each other professing how long they have supported the war.

John McCain

I’ve supported this war since day 1

Rudy Giuliani

I supported this war since the day those evil-doing, airplane-hijacking, baby-eating terrorists flew planes into my World Trade Center. I was there you know.

Mitt Romney

I’ve supported this war since I was a fetus. And let me talk about the sanctity of life…

John McCain

Well, I’ve supported this war since I was a hostage during WWII

Rudy Giuliani

I’ve supported this war since I was first married. And I’ve been married 18 times!

Mitt Romney

Did I mention I’m against abortion?

Rudy Giuliani

Did you know Democrats planted bombs in my World Trade Center on 9/11 and told Jewish people to stay home?

From there it escalates to all out wrestling between Giuliani and McCain, with Romney on the side because his hair can’t handle sudden movements.

Politics in America has taken a serious credibility hit since the 2000 election and the subsequent failure of our current president. It’s great to see these guys doing their best to raise the level of debate to something above middle school social group

The media have mostly played along, walking in lock step with their pre-determined role for each contender. McCain is the maverick. He’s so maverick, he agrees with Bush on the course of the war in Iraq. A war that could have gone better if I had let my cat plan it. And my cat can’t even speak english or read rehearsed lines from notes!

The media has dubbed Rudy America’s mayor. He seems to have credibility on foreign policy despite his only experience being that he was mayor of New York City on the day it was struck by international terrorism. Sound like someone you want to fix America’s foreign policy black eye?

Next summer, when the dust settles and the Republican contender emerges, let’s see if all of these dry turds coming out of these guy’s mouths get thrown back at them. When they start dancing around all of this raw meat they’ve had to throw to “the base,” will an astute media ask how they could make such contradictory statements.

Maybe they’ve already made contradictory statements. Have you heard any? Maybe you’ve heard something better than my mock debate above. I’d like to have a repository of sorts gathered here so we can look back. Think about this post as we move through this race and come back as you hear these guys waffle. When you see the goodies, post them here.